I had my fill over the past 4 days of a complaining spirit. I had my fits of frustration. My discouraging doubt. My haunting humiliation. And when I wanted to blame my lack of work on a bad headache, a severe lower back pain flair up, horrible bout of stomach cramps and bloating, a ho hum attitude, the true culprit of my complaining was my wandering eyes and an empty heart.
I didn't run to the Lord in Prayer, seek solitude in His presence, sing songs of praise. No I hunkered in to my complaining spirit and dissatisfied soul. I just didn't want to do anything and for a solopreneur who has taxes to attend to, a recertification test to take, a blog post to write, and clients to coach, well the complaining just increases along with a good old judgmental murmuring that you need a swift kick in your pants to get back to work.
I didn't run to the Lord in prayer-instead, I sought complaining for my comforting companion and so I remained there for 4 days. Even yesterday when I had the bold talk with the CEO of my business and my heart that enough was enough, it's time to get to work, back to living, I just pretended to work with an unsettling of my spirit. I felt antsy and distracted and told myself that it must be the winter solstice, or the cold wind outside or the need for one more day of rest by the fire.
Action and feeling ready to get back to work comes from the thoughts that I create about myself and my business. Procrastination is the action that usually comes when I tell myself I have no ideas, no drive, no energy.......a lot of complaining words.
So today when I started out the same as the day before I took a deep breath and just said to myself....can I just take a few minutes to connect with the Lord again? If I still don't "feel" motivated, at least I can say I started my day off on a good foot. I cleared the cobwebs off of my devotional (4 days can really cause a bit of dust to settle over my books and journals) and started to read these words from Philippians 4:4-7 CSB
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I will say it again;
Rejoice! (hmmm, the opposite of my complaining)
Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord Is Near (God has been patiently waiting for my return to his lap where I always find peace)
Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God.
And the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
I slowly took out my journal and I began to write, and prayed God's word and His Peace grew from a little spark of obedience until it overflowed once again.
Often times I forget that the only true guarantee in life is the faithfulness and love of Jesus.
Love wins in the end.
God is near.
So what thoughts about my circumstances in life make it seem difficult to rejoice?
What does unexplainable peace feel like?
For this life coach if feels like plugging back in to my power source. Dropping the complaints at the door and just spending some time to realign my heart and mind with Christ.
If procrastination was my action because the thoughts and feelings I was allowing to swirl around in my head and heart, than the opposite action is even better. The action of destination, taking action to listen to the Father and His words of Peace helped me to see the complaining for what it really was....a big waste of my time and my heart, and to have the mind of Christ allows me to change my thinking today, to feel excited for the work that is ahead and to get back to doing the things God has prepared for me.
Father; grant me trust that you are near. Give me courage. Infuse me with a deep gratitude that shifts my perspective in a drastic way.