I had my fill over the past 4 days of a complaining spirit. I had my fits of frustration. My discouraging doubt. My haunting humiliation. And when I wanted to blame my lack of work on a bad headache, a severe lower back pain flair up, horrible bout of stomach cramps and bloating, a ho hum attitude, the true culprit of my complaining was my wandering eyes and an empty heart.
I didn't run to the Lord in Prayer, seek solitude in His presence, sing songs of praise. No I hunkered in to my complaining spirit and dissatisfied soul. I just didn't want to do anything and for a solopreneur who has taxes to attend to, a recertification test to take, a blog post to write, and clients to coach, well the complaining just increases along with a good old judgmental murmuring that you need a swift kick in your pants to get back to work.
I didn't run to the Lord in prayer-instead, I sought complaining for my comforting companion and so I remained there for 4 days. Even yesterday when I had the bold talk with the CEO of my business and my heart that enough was enough, it's time to get to work, back to living, I just pretended to work with an unsettling of my spirit. I felt antsy and distracted and told myself that it must be the winter solstice, or the cold wind outside or the need for one more day of rest by the fire.
Action and feeling ready to get back to work comes from the thoughts that I create about myself and my business. Procrastination is the action that usually comes when I tell myself I have no ideas, no drive, no energy.......a lot of complaining words.
So today when I started out the same as the day before I took a deep breath and just said to myself....can I just take a few minutes to connect with the Lord again? If I still don't "feel" motivated, at least I can say I started my day off on a good foot. I cleared the cobwebs off of my devotional (4 days can really cause a bit of dust to settle over my books and journals) and started to read these words from Philippians 4:4-7 CSB
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I will say it again;
Rejoice! (hmmm, the opposite of my complaining)
Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord Is Near (God has been patient