Dear past me, yep I told you so. I know you didn't think you could make the changes to have a more abundant life. I remember back when you didn't think joy was a part of your "feelings" dynamic. But here we are, you and me, looking at all the things you've done to become this current woman who loves God with all her heart, believes He created her with everything she needed for abundant living.
Let's go back a few years. You went to the doctor and told him your stress story. How you had no energy, suffered from daily migraines, felt hopeless about dealing with your father-in-laws declining healthy, your husbands anxiety issues, your recent job change, the weight issues that have been around since you were 10 years old. Of how your kids lives were a major concern for you.
He recommended that you possibly were suffering from Complex Past Traumatic Stress and recommended a book to read and a counselor who specialized in helping you work through childhood trauma. I remember you reading that book and thinking, wow, this is me. This is how I've been feeling for so long.
You also started working with a life coach to help you learn how to lose weight without dieting any longer. You were so lost and yet so hopeful that finally you could make some changes and start to feel a little better.
You started to learn how to work on your thinking about your current life issues. You learned how to let go of past pain. You learned how to let go of diet mentality and embrace trusting yourself to learn how to trust food and your body again.
Along the way you tripped. You had to rework some of the things you had learned until you truly started to understand it. You changed careers. You learned to say no more often without guilt. You let go of fixing others. You started learning how to show up for yourself. You also gained some of the weight you lost back and had to learn how to lose it again. Remember how you felt so frustrated and you just had to keep deciding to learn something new.
You learned that you are brave. You are stronger than you ever imagined. You learned how to borrow other peoples belief in yourself when you wanted to quit your advanced coach training course. You had to discover just how smart you truly are.
It wasn't easy. So often you'd fall off the wagon. But someone was always in your corner telling you to just start where you are at and keep going.
It's taken time. Way more time than you would have been willing to start out with had you known it was going to take 7 years to get here.
You've told yourself that it's not enough, you are not enough. And you've told yourself that those things are lies that keep you from learning and discovering what's next.
You've made some new friends who have helped you discover a new depth in your identity and your ability to change and help others.
You fought hard for yourself. You fought with your husband, but it was all for the good of the relationship because you both have grown and changed and have the kind of relationship you prayed about when you were that little girl, isolated in her room, waiting and wondering if anyone was going to love you.
You have a deeper connection with your children. You learned how to trust them to live the best lives they could possibly live by allowing them to make some of their own mistakes knowing that its the roadmap to discovering their greatest strengths.
You love yourself. You speak to yourself with kindness and compassion. You love others on a deeper level.
I know you didn't believe it back then. I know you tried so many times before to make changes but you didn't really believe it was possible. But here we are. Today looks so different from what you thought it would. You put your faith in God's ways and His thoughts became your thoughts and slowly over time you learned to fight your battles with help from others and discovered your courage to keep going, keep trying.
I know we aren't done yet, future you is pretty excited to discover what's next. But don't forget where you came from. Because it has been you the entire time. You deserve a moment to sing praise.
Keep going! It is an amazing life. All the pain, growth, death, rebirth as been worth it. You learned that your life can have sorrow and be full of joy. I'm glad you hung in there. I'm proud of you. Well done girl!!! Keep up the good work. Jesus loves you. I love you. Let's make today and the days to follow filled with presence and understanding and curiosity and love. Yes, most of all love.
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