I took the summer off. It was a time to spend with the kids, feeling the sunshine on my skin, and time spent dreaming about DammGirl Coaching and what God has planned for the upcoming season. I enjoyed my time of discovery. I lost a few more pounds and I discovered a slower, more gentle approach to weight loss. I also dealt with some hormone issues that left me feeling a little confused, angry and heart broken.
Becoming new takes courage. It takes allowing myself to slow down and invite in a lot of doubt, fear, and shame in so that I could process all my feelings. It also showed me how great God's love is for me. How he forgives. How He heals.
I could spend my time telling you about all the things and I will in future blog posts but I want to take this time, this opportunity to say. It's worth the cost. Laying down the to do list and picking up the gentle rhythm of summer has allowed me to discover a gentler approach to forgiving myself. I usually act like a giant, going into clean up mode with a loud booming voice and stomping of my feet. But this summer God asked me to let go. Let go of climbing mountains and just sit and be still.
Even in the midst of hormone issues and a temper that hasn't revealed itself since high school, I discovered that the greatest ask God has for me is to sit still in His presence and breathe.
I took the time daily to slow down. I took every meal as an opportunity to heal. I took every sunrise and sunset to be silent and soak in the beauty of each moment, each day. And I'm so thankful for the gift I received. I feel like I got something back that was lost a long time ago. I let go of striving and just allowed myself to really be present with God. I asked for His healing. Not just physically (I have been working on learning to trust the body he created and let go of all dieting while still desiring to lose weight) but emotionally and spiritually too. I worked with my counselor, my trauma coach and reconnected to attending bible study and meeting with dear friends this summer.
I traveled to California this year to vacation with our eldest son, met up with an online friend for a face to face meet up. Traveled again to spend time with our youngest son and his fiancé, who welcomed a beautiful baby girl in August. I went on trips to Kansas City in the hottest month of the year to attend a truck rally with John. We went to many car shows. Met up with friends in upstate New York and and celebrated so many milestones. I worked on my heart. On hearing God in stillness.
I named this blogpost New and Improved. I am a workmanship of Gods divine grace, love and mercy and I am being made new every day. With the renewal comes an allowing of letting go of the old. That isn't always a fun process. I believe the hormone issues and the emotional hot headedness was a result of that refiners fire needing to burn away some old wounds. I was brave. I was bold. I was a hot mess at times. I didn't always want to apologize for being so hormonal and it honestly took me weeks to sift through some of those painful places and finally come to terms with letting go meant forgiving myself first and then asking for the forgiveness of others.
I am grateful for all I experienced this summer. I am feeling a lot more at home with my body, mind and spirit today because of the allowing, the letting go. What did I let go of? A lot of old belief systems about myself and my identity. How did I do it? I sat quietly in the presence of the Lord. I replaced lie after lie with God's truth. I got honest. I let go. I trusted God and his grace. I learned to connect to the body he designed and really listen to it. I learned how often I needed to eat, rest, move, connect. I learned how fast life moves when I'm not fully present and how to learn to really love my body, my mind and my spirit not because I'm so amazing but because God is so amazing. My worship of Him has become greater and the worship of self has lessened. Trust me, I will always be working on this as I understand how often I tend to put myself up on an altar.
Improved relationships. Improved health. Improved vision for how I show up and help others. I have such a passion for those who are struggling with the weight loss roller coaster. I have a passion for teaching other women to learn to let go of the diet culture and to embrace the truth of God's word and His healing. I believe He is in partnership with us for real healing and transformation. He asks us to be still. He asks us to trust Him. I am learning to trust. Trust God, trust others, trust myself and as I do I am humbled by the amount of love that poor in for my thirsty soul.
I hope you've had a similar summer of rest and connection. If you haven't, I want to encourage you to sit. Sit and be still. Ask God to enter in and give you His peace.
I would love to sit with you too. I'm here for you. Right where you are at. Let me know how I can help support you on your journey. Coffee is on and always free. In person or on zoom.