I have a friend named Malcom. He challenged me to write every day. So I didn't. It's like the assignment gave me writers block. I even found the perfect time to write but instead I spent each day researching things and taking copious notes. I just love the word copious. See how I procrastinate?
I signed up for a free blog site called 750 Words. Every day it has given me a reminder to write. Today I decided it was time.
Please note that I am in no way a proficient writer. If you've read anything else I've written you can find all kinds of things to correct from spelling error, to sentence structure and a whole lot of grammar errors. But I decided that I just don't care. It was getting in the way of my writing. And I have a lot of crazy thoughts in my head about life and living and God and His love that I no longer wanted it to be the thing that gets in the way.
So here it is Malcom. I thank you and Melany for giving me encouragement to share my voice with the world. And thank you dear reader for indulging me with this post. You have no idea how many times my computer has yelled at me to force quit safari and start all over but I just refuse. So I will share my writings with you. It's my goal to become someone who shares some light and joy along with some real pain with the world. Maybe you find something to relate to.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to truly live a life of freedom? God tells us to follow Him. To obey and it will go well with us. Why do we struggle so often to do this? Simple, Free Will. Free Will allows us to follow God on our own terms. Unfortunately our terms are never going to help us truly walk in true Freedom. So how do we do it? Why is it seem so difficult? Maybe it's because we relate perfection to doing what's right and when we don't do what's right we see ourselves as so imperfect that we just stop trying to discover how to live a more Free life?
Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow Him. What was the cross used for in the first place? It was a symbol to say....hey, you are a criminal, you blew it. Death is the only option available to those who die on the cross. What does it really mean to take up our cross then? Does it mean we pick up our own deaths and follow Him? Maybe in some regards it's an indication of how we can not truly carry our own cross but why would Jesus ask us to do this?
I wonder if being a martyr was worth it? Knowing that a beating and possible death sentence was right around the corner every day would make for an extreme case of trauma response don't you think? How crazy is it in our day and age that we are all so stuck in Trauma response, yet here we have scripture showing us the way of eternal life is through Christ Jesus and He asks us to pick up our cross and follow Him. Maybe you have more of the answers than I do. You probably have studied some form of the Greek or Hebrew text and understand all of this picking up your cross things, it's probably way more simple than my mind wonders about all of it.
Here's what I do think. Even though I have suffered my own various trials (my own upbringing full of trauma and a lot of years of counseling with little to show for it) I am still called to offer myself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. It's my spiritual act of worship. So regardless of my understanding of crosses or of martyrs I'm going to follow my instincts for a few moments and acknowledge that I don't have to understand it to follow. I don't even want to label myself as a Traumatized Child who was saved by a Traumatized Savior. Jesus saw it way differently than I do. He chose the suffering in order for me to be forgiven. Maybe what I really want to say is, yes for all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. All have suffered, but not in vain. I work with a lot of people who are braving the art of learning to sit with their emotions, confront the enemies lies, take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ and be transformed by the renewing of their minds.
I've watched them suffer. My heart breaks for them. They are such brave souls to be willing to risk sharing their heart of pain with me as I remind them to be gentle with themselves as they learn to connect to those deep wounds of trauma. I'm asking them to pick up their crosses. I'm asking them to trust Jesus with His truth and His love and His grace. I'm asking for a lot. And in exchange I really don't have much to offer them but Jesus. I wish we all understood more the power of His Name and choose Him.
I have witnessed time and time again the enemies lies. I have struggled and wrestled my own nature when it comes to these lies. I believe that we are in a battle. I know we are not alone!!! Let me say it again. We are called to be with each other in our pain and suffering. I believe we are called to this in order to become one of those "Great Cloud of Witnesses". I want to be one. A witness that has been what the Lord has done. One who is learning to become more and more set free. Free from the shackles of the lies that keep us stuck from living more Freely.
What do you think?